Doing what works

A colleague on Ryze posted this pair of queries:
1-Are you doing what works?
2-Is what you are doing working? (Thanks Walter Paul Bebirian!)

So often, I spend my time thinking about my projects, rather than taking the action to make them happen. That is one advantage of working with a coach-I create my own deadlines and then have accountability to live up to them. My coach challenges me to stretch into larger views of myself and the possibilities available to be created.

"Are you doing. . ."-are you in action? Do you know what will work? Have you done your research? I highly recommend Ryze or a similar networking opportunity to make contact with people who will be glad to share their expertise and help you grow. Then, . . .

Get into action!

"Ready, Fire, Aim"---In the Revolutionary War they called it "Kentucky Windage"-shoot and correct your aim for the next shot, but keep firing.

In business, and in life, we are in the same position. We need to stay in action, keep momentum going, while we watch for results and adjust future actions accordingly.

"Is what you are doing working?" I think it was Einstein who defined insanity as continuing to do the same thing and expecting the results to change. How is what you are doing working for you? Are you getting what you want? Are you getting closer to what you want? If you can't answer either of those questions positively in the affirmative (a fancy way of saying yes), what do you need to change.

Do you know what you want? The power of intention works from having a clear picture of the desired result, even if you aren't yet clear on how you will get there. But that's another topic. . .

Walter, thanks for the thought-provoking questions!

Aloha!
Mary

Finding Happiness

I've been considering a question posed by a fellow Ryze networker. . .how do you find happiness?

I know that I am much happier in my life than a was even a few years ago. Part of this I attribute to rewriting my "life story". I've stopped identifying victim interpretations, and look for interpretations that empower me and others around me. Blame, of myself or others, weakens my ability to take action in my life. Accepting responsibility, and looking for links between behaviors and situations (positive or negative), empowers me to create what lights me up.

Appreciation and expressing gratitude for what I do have certainly helps. A serious bout of Lyme disease in 2002-2003 gifted me with a realigned sense of priorities, and a significant appreciation for simple things like being able to walk without pain, and being able to enjoy the sunshine.

Balance in my life, and time to stop and watch the breezes blow through the ferns, also contribute to an overall sense of well-being and happiness.

How do I find happiness? Expect it! (And appreciate it!)

Aloha,

Mary

Holiday preparations

Aloha!

James and I are enjoying a quiet evening at home. Our suitcase is packed for a long weekend at his parents' home. (Most of the kids are off with their other parents this year, so we have only Tori joining us for this trip- and no, her stuff's not packed.) James finished making our contributions to the "feast" earlier this evening. We're always careful to make sure we bring a few things we can eat. That's a consequence of choosing an unusual diet (strictly plant-based), and we consider the benefits well worth the effort.

Does anyone else notice that holidays seem to bring in lots of opportunities for choosing? How do you relate to those choices, and the opportunity to choose? We have been planning the C'burg trip since September. Two kids in different marching bands covered the weekends quite effectively until last weekend. Then last week we received notice of a farewell party for dear friends who are moving to Colorado next month, and an invitation to Thanksgiving at my brother's farm. And a friend just called about a Sunday morning gathering for healing.

Choices! How do you approach them? We have the plan, and other wonderful opportunities. And the flexibility in all these to let choices ride for a few days and play it by ear. We'll swing by my brother's on the way home, whether that is Saturday or Sunday. After our last holiday weekend traffic (and accidents on the Interstate), part of me is inclined to head home on Saturday.

Considerations when choosing?
It helps to remember values and priorities I've identified. The key words I use right now are: sparkle, create and connect. We won't be running around so much that we don't have time to connect with our family members wherever we land. We will be delighting in the experiences of each moment.
Self-care: what do I need to be well at this point? What does James need, since he'll be doing most of the driving?
And only after that am I going to weigh in with other people's expectations for our time. I'm fortunate that both sides of our family support, even encourage that attitude.

Well, James is sitting by himself in front of our fireplace. I'm going to go share that with him.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mary

Child-like enthusiasm

My niece's sitter was ill today, so I had the opportunity to spend the day with a delightful not-quite-two-year-old. It's delightful to enjoy her increasing verbal skills, and the avid way she absorbs the world around her. After nap time was quiet, sleepy observation, but that only lasted until the first car drove past our window.

"Car!" Emily squealed. And the narration continued as she bolted around the house. We've been doing quite a bit of home improvement, so Emily had quite a few changes to inspect. "Books!" "Colors!" "Cat! Meow, Kitty!" (And Kit promptly ran off. Emily's cats are accustomed to her enthusiasm, but our Kit prefers a more subdued greeting.) She and Samuel had a ticklefest. "Tickle me funny?"

I remember now why I waited for naptime to get things done when my kids were young.

Thanks to my teenage support team, I was able to clear my email and get an evaluation sent out today. And there was always someone to share a conversation with Emily and her bunny or dolly.

Samuel and I had a wonderful quiet morning while the girls celebrated the day off school by sleeping in. He wanted to play Trivial Pursuit, but I wasn't up for that long a commitment to a game. We settled on one round each of two family favorites: SET and Skip-bo. Samuel has become quite a whiz at SET, and if you've never played, I highly recommend the game. We get some serious competitiveness going, since everyone is trying to identify sets of three cards at the same time. Once in a while an obvious set (like red, green and purple solid diamonds in a row) pops up, but we have more fun trying to make less obvious sets, especially when the "duh!" factor creeps in. It's great for mental flexibility and training visual acuity. I appreciate the way Samuel's persistence in looking for sets has improved over the last few years. I just checked, and Amazon.com does stock the game. I'll get my affiliate account set up so I can get a direct link from this text to the order page. (See I'm still learning!)

Which brings me to my thought for the day. . .How do you relate to the world around you? Is everything predictable and even a bit hum-drum? Or do you celebrate the leaves dancing in the breeze, kicking your way through the piles of leaves in the yard with a squeal of delight? Is a challenging situation a frustration or a puzzle to be solved? When something is not immediately obvious, do you puzzle it through or pass it on to someone else?

Until next time, relate to the world with child-like enthusiasm!

Aloha,
Mary

E komo mai-Welcome to my new blog

Aloha!

This is my first attempt at blogging, and I want to welcome you to my new web presence.

My name is Mary Kniskern, and I am a Relationship Transition Coach. I work with individuals and couples who want to transform the relationships in their lives, or find their relationships changing in ways they do not like.

I'll be publishing more later this afternoon and tomorrow, as I figure out how this game is played!

Until then. . .relate!

Mary